Fox McCloud Gets Trained
by 60infinity
Summary: Star Fox meets the greatest boxing champion of all time, Rocky Balboa. An epic masterpiece.
1. The Wedding

It was a dark, cloudy day, with Fox McCloud's orange fur glistening in the sunlight. He had just received a deadly fate from the wraths of Dr. Robotnik's evil crew. Now what, he thought. Fox had already been promoted to Angel Fox, then Holy Fox Shit, then Fox God. Now he's a god, that means he can do anything.

"I know! I can fly to the moon!" Fox said.

But seconds before he could do so, a hallucination appeared in front of his eyes. It was a picture of a blue vixen with blue hair and blue boobs. It could only beee...

**"KRYSTAL."**

** "**Why didn't I do this all along?! I'm in love with her, and now I must marry her! This is dream I have been waiting for. Let's go!"

Thus, Fox McCloud got onto his X-Wing and sailed all the way to the wedding in Lylat. Krystal was there, and so was all the rest of the crew: Peppy, Slippy, Wolf, and Christopher Robin.

Krystal McCloud wore a white groom and dress, while Fox Cloud wore a black suit and tuxedo. Everyone in the crowd was shouting, "DO IT! DO IT!" as they two walked down the silver aisle.

The officiant was Jim Carrelli, wearing a big green mask with a smile on his face. He said,

"In the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit...Let's fucking get married!"

**YAAAAHHHHHHHH!**

Jim got so excited, that his head flew out and bounced off the walls into outer space.

"I think he has AIDS," Krystal answered.

"Bazinga," Sheldon Cooper agreed.

The crowd and Star Fox cheered and clapped as Fox and Krystal walked off the building and onto the steps. The butler in the limousine was waiting. As they clopped and trottered on, Krystal said,

"Hey, Fox, I got a secret."

"What is it, m'lady?"

"I'm pregnant with your cousin."

"Excellent! That means more fox babies for me, and fox babies like you." Fox talked with a glee.

Suddenly, a Batcycle crashed through the scenery. It was a figure of a black motorcycle with a man on top, shriveled up into the most shriveled up you can think of. That's because he was the greatest boxing champion of all time, even more so than John Sauna and Hulk Hobo combined. What could it be? What could it do? What could it make?

We can only hope.


	2. The Salmon Ladder

Star Fox climbed onto his X-Wing and reached for the stars. So was Krystal on his Y-Wing, and Fox rubbed his Z-Wing with his thoughts on Krystal. On top of that, the guard, Rocky Balboa, vomited his awesomeness onto the scenery.

"Hey Fox, did I tell you how awesomeness I am?" Rocky asked.

"Yeah, you sure look like a dirty ape from that view," Fox yelled and screamed.

"How about I train you to become as awesomeness as I am, because the epic glory of holy mothers of God could not achieve the sacred aptitude of me."

"Of course. In what? Flying the X-Wing to Corneria? Or launching myself to Venom just so that I can rot in hell."

"Bazinga," Sheldon said.

**"Shut the hell up!" **Fox screamed and yiffed. Before he could finish his words, a salmon ladder reached them in a close length. Five rungs. One must use a horizontal pole to climb up them. Can he do it? Can he make it?

"This is your goddamn chance!" Rocky Balboa howled, "Do it or I'll break your neck!"

Fox was not the typical fox that exercised. All he could do was circumcise before he quits altogether. A car accident made McCloud lose 30 pounds in one day, so he falsely reported that he used the NutriSystem on an infomercial. The first time he met Krystal, his red heart melted to blood, seeping through his veins, into his pants, around the blue-boobied vixen that he had always dreamt of having.

"Are you daydreaming?" Rocky replied, **"ARE YOU DAYDREAMING?! SPEAK MOTHERFU-"**

The orange fur of the canine woke up in a whisper, "Of course, I course."

"You course," Rocky conversed, "Sorry, I cannot speak English good. But I'm sure you can speak perfectly."

Time to conquer the ultimate Salmon Ladder, German for "Eat Pants". Fox pondered, with Krystal on the Y-Wing yelling, "Do it! Do it!" Fox grabbed onto the bar, the paws of his hands grasping his fingertips. With all his strength, he pushed himself upwards, just _one_ inch more, just _one inch_.

Then he realized.

"I'm a god! That means I can do anything!" Fox growled. His teeth bared the metal bar.

His paws, hands, abdomen. His whole body smashed the entire ladder in half. The whole world following it, destroying everything. Everything but Fox, Krystal, and the Almighty Rocky.

That was when Sheldon Cooper peeked into the window of Fox's ship.

"I like your ass."


	3. The Stop Sign

**CRASH! **That was not Crash the Bandicoot, but Crash the X-Wing that failed into the darkness. The nose bent and dent, flipping over its side, like a candle tipping over in the wind. Fox McCloud stared at the black abyss. There was nothing to see or do, only to touch Krystal's body as the wind gently brushed their solitude.

"My God. I think I understand the meaning of the universe," the Fox God hithered.

"No need to say that," Rocky interrupted, "You need to continue the awesomeness training. He spun his Balboa skin into a new direction, one that reached Earth in a few nanoseconds.

A grey wolf was standing still, running toward the chaos of the damaged X, Y, and Z-wings.

"Howdy, bitches," Wolf O'Donnell asked, "Is the solitude fine or what?"

Falco's beak punctured his fur, into his brain, seeking for his great knowledge which could only be found in the Almighty Rocky.

"I want to go home! Where's my jet ski?" Krystal cried in blissfulness.

"Damn her," Sheldon screamed at the Fox, "It is _I_ who must love you and marry until the waves pick us up and drown us."

"No one inappropriates the blue boobs of my wife," Fox said because he had married.

Five thousand steps every one took before the yellow-brick road went to nowhere. Except for the stop sign of a Gold's Gym. Rocky knew of what Black Jack had said of the dreaded stop sign.

"Look! This stop sign is an octagon!"

"Quick, my friends. We must fight the gym, before the hunks take over the universe. My trainer is waiting. Stay here while I rush the stupendity of extremes."

Falco split its beak, hungry for the come of Wolf.

"_**Please**_, my furry nemesis, come to me so I can come on you. No one is better at coming that the grey and horrible wolf."

"Shit, Fox, what are our coordinates? My thermometer has leaked Mercury all over Uranus."

"49.6-hyphen-3 by 1-thousand-hunt-4th-P-56," McCloud wallowed before the planet of Hisanus was dissolved into nothing.

Gold's Gym was filled with gold, the gold of nine million silver foxes that had eaten the Fountain of Youth. The door was violated from the Incredible Hunks, smashing the glass and feet of the establishment. One could only hope what would happen when a Fox and a Wolf climbed inside the blender of gym equipment.

Of course, I course. You course.


	4. The Bars and Bells

What was to be a short trip became the symbol of what was to be forever. Through the doors of the revolting doors was the trainer that had mentally scarred Balboa's life as we know it.

"Mickey Goldmill is the name, but any could just call me Mickey Mouse."

"Hi, Mickey Mouse!" Wolf O'Donnell grinned and feeled.

That angered him dreadfully, not wanting to be called a mouse. Actually, not anything in particular. He would rather commit suicide and become a dead body that looked similar to the one in Rocky III.

Black walls glistened the area like burnt candy cakes. The equipment looked like Fox McCloud's state of Texas that he used while thoughting of Vixen Krystal. Harry Potter looked through the windows like a predator, willing to pray on Fox and Krystal.

"Time to start the relentless training," Rocky Balboa shouted at the miserable Fox. He started to reach the metal bars and bells, pulling them, pushing them, sexing them. Anyway he could use them. Fox was forced to follow, too, grinding his arms against the feet, all while wailing to stop the burning faces of hell.

It was obvious that Fox McCloud started to cry. Like never before. Tears of water became tears of blood, as his loss spread to the inseams and out of the body. Half a soul died along with him. Sweat poured down him like a down of pores.

That sudden, a barbell dropped on Mickey's tiny head. **BANG! **The sounds spread like wild fires. What the hell had happened?

Everyone stopped to chatter and still, including the annoying Sheldon Cooper. Blood oceaned up the face of Mickey. It was obvious that death was soon coming to pass.

"No, Father, No!" Rocky feared in dread.

"I must go. To the heavenly place where dolphins roll the grass, the buzzy beetles plunge the trees, and the wither leaves grow on the mountains," the Mouse answered.

Balboa screamed as much as Fox cried,

**"CCCCCRRRRRRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAPPPPPPPPPPPP!"**

"Who the hell cares," Wolf rationed, "The real deal is what has going on with General Pepper."

"Sure, has been our boss for many years," Krystal pondered, "But now he is no good anymore."

"Right you are, asshole," Fox McCloud, "He treats us like slaves in the Southern Plantations, more burden than done by Abraham Lincoln. Like in the video games, I must become God Mode."

Fox breathed and sucked in the surrounding air, feeling the eternal goodness of the angel spirits. He twirled around three dozen times, sucked his thumb into the ground, and rayed a cast over miles land ahead. Wings broken out of his vertebrae. Now he can fly. Now he can do anything.

"Follow your Almighty God," Fox explained.

"What about me?" Falco responded.

"Fuck off."


	5. The Last Mortal

Now that all the mortal being had dead, there was no stopping the Almighty Rocky and the Holy Fox Shit. No matter how cool they were, they would always be the ultimate friends. Forever.

Actually, there was still one mortal left, his skin black as the crimson sin. Hair protruding inwards into his skull. It was all but Mortal Freeman. Many years ago, he had imprisoned his life as a shame that nobody could remember. Andrew Dufresne sat beside him in a cold whimper. They broken out of jail, wishing to become a part of the Star Fox team. And then later. Andy died.

**NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!**

Rocky bellowed in anger as he had telling the story.

"Boo-hoo, he died," Wolf cynicalled, "Your stories are crap. Get a life."

"It cannot be," Rocky said, "I had said 'crap' already, two and an ounce weeks ago."

"You are so hot," Krystal lingered, "a thousand Sundances could not inflame the warmth of your beating heart." A second after, both their bodies melted into one pool of explicit detail I cannot say in this story.

Sheldon Cooper was not impressed by all the fuss. To sped up the action, he called General Pepper on his phone of telly, and told about how Fox had such an enormous crush on Pepper, that his body was flattened into a steel pancake. It took many years for Pepper to become another German Rottweiler.

"Im-fucking-possible!" the General complained, "They all must be sexually abused! I'm coming on them immediately!"

Sheldon's wishes were slurped by Pepper's exceeding orders. Nevertheless, he still wanted a glimpse of Fox's insides badly. What insides? The ones that Fox had never seen yet.

Mortal Freeman, the God, had flied over to Rocky and crew.

"Did you know what Sheldon did?" he wondered.

"Shut up, fool," Fox McCloud warped, "I'm the all-powerful God, but not you." That moment, he sent him away by teleporting a huge cannon ball into the vicinity, knocking the Mortal off course, and the Freeman jailed once again.

"You see, Fox?" Rocky told, "The Balboa wants _you_ to conquer with these methods. That is part of your training."

"Of course, I am," McCloud gladly, "That is only the beginning."

"...Of the end." Sheldon Cooper teased.

Fox, angry by him, picks and throws him around the Earth, then smashes his goddamn face against the goddamn floor on top of the goddamn universe, because **I AM THE GODDAMN BATMAN!**


	6. The Silver Sphere

Rocky's team could not handle no more. They must fight until the end, which included the final defeat of General Pepper. But first, there was some obstacles in the way, that block involved the rage of the silver sphere. Its eyes were like water, the texture like disco, related to the orange fur color of the Fox God.

"What? A different sphere? I already had defeated the golden sphere!" Rocky proclaimed.

"No time to wait," Krystal cried, "There's more than defeated a sphere than a fox can ever done."

"Like what?" Falco aroused.

"Light Sabers do nothing of the sort," Balboa babbled, "There is only one last weapon we can use."

It cannot be? The most powerful weapon of all was not to talk at all. It was so surprising, even Sheldon Cooper's eyes popped out like a cartoon character and back in its sockets. Now all everyone could do, even the crowd, was to stand there and wait for the silver ball to become the exploding one.

Pepper made his first appearance, shocked that his own team would have reveled against him. But for one final blow, it was to be done.

"**Hatuken! Sayonara! Matsushita!**" all cries can be heard.

General Pepper covered his ears and went "lol".

Fox McCloud's voice rumbled, "This Not Is Funny! I order every thing to die this immediate."

His plan was to kill all the mortals on the universe, and that was likely. The power of his force reached the dark side, and covered the power beams. Dark Vader was not amused. He wanted more. Many much more.

"Fox and Wolf must blend together as per the previous reference to become the Ultimate Triforce of Power," Dark Vader rallied.

But then, it gets even more epicly. Luke Skywalker teaches the master fellows how to unite, while the other ones watch. Poor Krystal and Falco can't join the fun. No, then Mickey once shows up to encourage them more.

"You can do it, bitches! I count on you to dominate the world!"

From that moment, it was when the silver sphere exploded, dominating the entire universe and killing all the last mortals, including Mortal Freeman. All that was left of it was the Holy Fox, Wolf O'Donnell, and the Almighty Rocky.

"I must say this last line," Krystal said.

That was it. Everything now can live in paradise. There will be no more conflict, no more pains, no more Call of Duty. We will soon know how this will last.


End file.
